How to Practice self-care while in (or dealing with) a toxic relationship
How to Practice Self-Care While in (or Dealing With) a Toxic Relationship
Being in a toxic relationship is challenging. It can impact your mood, self-esteem, health, sleep, and beyond. Practicing self-care can be particularly challenging when you’re stressed, emotionally invested, or feeling trapped or uncertain. However, during these times, self-care is even more vital; it keeps you anchored, maintains your well-being, and helps you gather the strength to make positive, healthy decisions.
Here are some ideas, backed by expert suggestions, along with a short video that you may find useful.
What the Experts Say
- Toxic relationships often cause chronic stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, and physical symptoms like sleep problems and bodily complaints.
- A crucial step is to recognize the reality and identify the toxic or unhealthy patterns. Denial or minimization only exacerbates the situation.
- Setting boundaries is repeatedly recommended: knowing what you will and will not tolerate; communicating those limits; maintaining them.
- Support (friends, family, professionals) is vital. It helps you feel less alone and provides you with perspective, emotional safety, and sometimes valuable resources.
Short YouTube video / Video Resource
Here is a video you may find helpful:
10 HARSH Truths About Healing From a Toxic Relationship
YouTube video covering the realities of toxicity, how healing begins, recognizing patterns, and more. YouTube
Also:
The Secret To Growing Self-Esteem In A Toxic Relationship. This video offers tips for maintaining or rebuilding self-confidence during difficult times. It can provide insight, validation, and motivation.
Examples of Self-Care You Can Do While in a Toxic Relationship
Here are practical self-care strategies, even if pulling away completely isn’t currently possible:
| Area | Self-Care Strategy Example |
| Emotion & Mental Health | Keep a journal of your thoughts, feelings, and what’s happening. It helps you notice patterns, validates your experience, and gives clarity. |
| Practice small mindfulness or relaxation exercises, such as deep breathing, guided meditation, and short walks without your phone. Even 5 minutes can help. | |
| Affirmations or positive self-talk: remind yourself of your strengths, values, and what you deserve. | |
| Boundaries & Communication | Identify 1-2 non-negotiable boundaries and communicate them clearly. For example: “I will not accept yelling,” or “I need time alone right now to calm down.” |
| Use “time-outs” in conflict: if things escalate, agree (to yourself if not with them) to pause and cool off before continuing. | |
| Lifestyle & Physical Well-Being | Prioritize good sleep: routines, limiting screens before bed, and ensuring some quiet time. |
| Move your body: exercise, stretching, dancing, walking outdoors—physical activity can reduce stress hormones and boost mood. | |
| Nutrition & rest: eat nourishing foods, try to keep hydrated, and allow yourself rest. Physical self-care helps mental health. | |
| Social Support & Boundaries | Stay connected with friends or family whom you trust. Even if you can’t talk about everything, sharing some of what’s going on helps. |
| Limit exposure to toxicity when possible. If certain situations or conversations are always triggering, reduce your exposure (e.g., choose when/where/how you engage). | |
| Personal Growth & Meaning | Keep up hobbies, interests, or things that feel like “you”. Creative outlets, learning something new, reading, writing, and art. |
| Plan small escapes or breaks—even something as simple as reading in a café, going for a hike, listening to music, etc. | |
| When Safe & Possible: Thinking Long-Term | Consider talking with a therapist or counselor. If you feel unsafe, reach out to appropriate services (hotlines, safe people, etc.). |
| Reflect on what you want in your relationships and what you deserve. This helps guide decisions about staying, changing, or exiting. |
Steps / Plan You Can Try
Here’s a framework you might follow:
- Assess Reality
Try to list the toxic behaviors/issues. What is hurting you or making you unhappy? What are patterns (e.g., gaslighting, criticism, blame, isolation)? - Decide Your Boundaries
What can you tolerate? What is out of bounds? Be realistic: start with small ones you can maintain. - Build Support
Find trusted friends, family, a mentor, or a mental health professional. Let them know some of what’s going on so you’re not alone. - Set Self-Care “Anchors”
Pick a few self-care practices you commit to: e.g., daily walk, journal for 10 minutes, meditate, phone call with a friend once per week. Anchors help stabilize. - Monitor & Adapt
Notice what helps you feel calmer, more yourself. Notice what drains you more. Adjust your boundaries / self-care accordingly. - Plan for Change (if needed)
If things are consistently harmful, consider what change you might want: more distance, ending the relationship, or seeking outside help. Safety always comes first.
Things to Watch Out For / When You Need More Help
- If there is physical violence, threats, or fear for your safety, it’s not just “toxic,” it’s abusive. You may need safety planning and possibly exit strategies.
- If your mental health is deteriorating, severe depression, anxiety, thoughts of harming yourself, pervasive hopelessness, or if you’re having trouble functioning (at school/work, daily tasks), please seek professional help.
- If you feel isolated, gaslit (someone repeatedly invalidates your feelings, memories, perceptions), these are serious harms and deserve attention.
Why Self-Care Matters Now
- It helps preserve your identity, self-worth, and mental health while still in the relationship. Without self-care, people often lose themselves, feel helpless, or drift into patterns of blame or shame.
- It creates inner strength, which gives you more clarity about what you truly want and deserve in a relationship.
- It enables better decision-making (about whether to stay, change things, or leave) because you’re acting from a place of more stability and awareness rather than purely emotional reactivity.
Conclusion
Practicing self-care in a toxic relationship isn’t easy, but it’s possible, and it’s essential. Even small things—such as journaling, establishing one boundary, or connecting with a supportive friend—can make a meaningful difference. Over time, self-care builds resilience, clarity, and self-respect. Sometimes, it helps you find the courage to change things when you’re ready.
